Friendship...

The last time I wrote a blog I apologised profusely for not doing it more often yet here I am yet again making up for lost time. I've been supa busy you see... lots and lots of change in Missy's World.
I'll tell you about that another time though... today I want to talk about Friendship.

Friendship to me is as important as a good relationship... good friends make me happy... very happy... and I am lucky to have the friends I do. They are and have been particularly amazing these past few years and I can't thank them enough for being there when I needed them most.
Sometimes we think of friends as being amazing and when the shit hits the fan they're nowhere to be seen... those are the kind of friends we can all do without... because crap friends... well... they're just crap!!!

My friends will get vetted by THE LIST to some extent... I can't have friends that don't have anything in common with me. I've got different friends for different hang-outs. Drinking friends... laughing friends... dicking about friends... heart-to-heart friends... hockey friends... rugby friends... night in friends... night out friends... sometimes we'll mix it up and do different things but rest assured that my friends mean the absolute world to me. An argument or a break-up will cause me a lot of stress and heartache. The problem is... I'm truly the most stubborn cow and particularly argumentative; my standards are just as high with my friends as they would be for a boyfriend. Piss me off and you'll know about it!

I fell out with two very close friends last year... both fall outs really upset me but like any breakup... you get over it... eventually!

Cast your mind back to my 30th Celebrations... not the fun party... no no that was ace... nope go back to my weekend in Manchester... remember how I didn't really tell you about it? Well it's because it was dreadful!
As you'll know... if you followed me long enough... I wasn't looking forward to turning thirty... not one little bit... the year had maxed out the stress-ometer and I was a woman on the edge. It was another milestone I just wasn't ready to conquer and my birthday certainly became one of those disastrous dates...

I'm not sure I've got the strength to re-live the antics; but 5 girls squashed into the ugliest people carrier heading north on a Friday night a month before Christmas and tensions will be running high even before you add in a reluctant birthday girl and two slightly jet-lagged passengers. Needless to say, none of us have fond memories of that weekend and it proves the strength of my friendships with two in particular because I was an absolute nightmare even without my so-called best-friend being an utter cunt and trying to pin all her bad planning and everyone else's disdain on me.

She was one of the friends to go, the so-called Best-Friend. She dumped me (by facebook) within hours of our return on the Sunday evening following a classy doorstep slanging match after the last party-goer collected their car and headed off. We had both realised that weekend that we were worlds apart and both being incredibly stubborn and hurt (for different reasons) we called time on our friendship. I still to this day am shocked how quickly I got over it; at no point since then have I had the urge to pick up the phone and tell her about something. I didn't worry that she was getting married and no longer had a bridesmaid. I didn't worry about not having her in my life anymore because actually looking back we'd been drifting apart long before the fall-out and it was almost a relief her not being around anymore.

Thirty is that milestone that we all set ourselves... a massive target to have made some serious life achievements and make good choices. I had been doing ok... I had the career... the amazin salary... the flash car... the dreamboat boyfriend... gorgeous house... I even had the Laura Ashley wallpaper in my dining room! Life had been good up to 28...

At 28 life changed... I gave up the career... went back to full-time education and got a part-time job in a supermarket. I traded in my lovely expensive company car and bought a tired yellow £700 Fiat Punto Convertible which I named Pretty Beast Coooor... all of a sudden I had lost 10 years and was a teenager all over again... except at 18 I had been way cooler and even then had a better car!

At 29 my life changed even more... my wonderful dreamboat boyfriend (Z-List) and I broke up and with my tail between my legs and huge amounts of University coursework I packed up my life... left my beautiful home and moved to a cottage literally smack-bang in the middle of arse-raping nowhere.
I found out later that he'd been having an affair... it killed me... really it did... I'm still not over the betrayal and fear I never will be. A hurt like that takes years to get over doesn't it???

To add just a little bit more woe to my story; last summer my darling beautiful dog & best-friend Pablo passed away after a very sudden and quick battle with cancer. Losing him hit me even harder than losing Z-List; suddenly I felt I was completely alone. I was carrying this huge heartache around with me from previous and he had been the best thing in my life and kept me going. Everyday I would look forward to coming home from work and having the evening with my boy. He was my life and suddenly he was gone. I had lost my best friend, the bestest friend ever; a dog rivaled by none.

Anyway, you'll know pretty much the in between stuff (read previous blogs if you don't) because today I'm not here to trawl through the history of it all again. Today is about my friends. As I've said before... I literally have the best friends in the whole actual world. Some are new, some are old but they really are absolutely fuckawesome and bettered by none. They make me who I am today, and despite being a bit of a (hilarious) basket case I 'm actually quite pleased with the Missy of today.

So this is just a little thank you to every single one of my friends for keeping me company, making me laugh, smile, dance & getting me pissed over the past 31 & a bit years. You've kept me together, stopped me falling apart when I was teetering on the edge of insanity and despair. I love you all so very much, I can't begin to tell you all how wonderful you are.

To everyone else... value your friendships... realise how special they are and what an impact they have on you and your life. The good ones really will be bloody amazing when you need them if you treat them well :)

Silent Sunday

I'm going to 'borrow' the idea my good friend Mamcymraeg has for her blog... On a Sunday she posts just a picture... she calls it Silent Sunday.

I'm aware I seldom blog... I have too much mess going on in my head at the moment to make sense of any of it and produce a blog worthy read... sorry.

So today & for every Sunday here's the start of my (not so) silent Sunday...

The Bullshit Times

When I fist split with Z-List it was my best friend JD more than anyone else that provided me with the support I needed to get me through daily life. She is an absolute gem. Without her I would undoubtedly be fucked!

I stumbled upon this pearler buried deep in my email inbox this morning and it made me chuckle... I remember how we laughed at this for weeks and how laughter really is the best medicine and she is the best administer of that laughter. I love her and am truly thankful for her friendship.

She wrote this... I have changed only the names and some details that would make anonymity pointless. Enjoy x

The Bullshit Times can exclusively reveal that '***' from Sky1 and Sky3's recently axed 'Road Wars'  – has recently allowed his girlfriend of four and half years to move out of their Thatcham love nest to a secluded private location over the border into Hampshire. Rumour within the force, where ****** now works on the Dog Section, would suggest that ***, real name ****** '*******' ******, has been
romantically linked to fellow officer and trollop, ****** '*******' ******. The imaginatively nicknamed duo have been romantically linked as far back as September, however love rat ****** denies any wrong doing claiming there was nothing in it. When confronted with his 30 page 1000 text message mobile phone
bill to the still married mother of two '*******', *** still denied any romantic involvement insisting to Welsh beauty, Missy Welsh, that he was fond of ****** but that she was involved with someone else who was her boyfriend not her husband or the father of her children.

'******' added further insult to injury with a barrage of facebook status updates and overly flirty back and forth comments with the suggestively profile pictured '******' and stooped to new lows of disrespect and disregard for the bilingual lovely Welshs' feelings by revealing a 'relationship' with the despicable ******.

Welsh, now 29, gave up everything and left her small welsh village to be with '***',  some four months into their relationship. Testing times followed for Missy as her new love, ******, failed to help her settle in to her then new home and surroundings. Finding friendship and solace in new pals from both work and college, Missy was as committed to making her relationship work as ****** was in ultimately ending it.

So as Welsh born Berkshire beauty Missy moves into the middle of arse raping nowhere, her friends stand united and will watch and wait to see the newly named Daddy ****** try to make the best of a bad-un in serial cheater ****** '*******' *****.

* Z-List
* The Trollop

Making a plan...

I'm an on/off blogger aren't I. Some days I feel I can write and ramble non-stop... other days I'm barely able to function in the real world let alone write anything of value.

You'll all know of the turmoil I've faced since my split with Z-List... I'm not even sure just how much I've revealed but the gist of it is that he did a bad thing, treated me quite appallingly and it broke my heart.

Fifteen months on and there's still not a day where I've not thought about him. It's not that I love him still... that went a long time ago... but the hurt remains just as raw and it still kills me even now.

There has been a 'Thing' looming and that was my test... how would I cope? Turns out quite well. I've had long enough to prepare myself for it and think out every scenario possible.

He is now a father... the woman that he wasn't having an affair with fell pregnant very quickly into their (official) relationship and now he's got a complete family. She came with two young children from a failed marriage and now they all live (I imagine) happily in their new home having finally moved out of mine.

I should be able to move on... but sadly I can't. I'm stuck in a limbo of distrust and sadness and I have absolutely no idea how to get out of it. The past year has been a bit of a blur... I've given up with my University course... something I worked so very hard for became even harder in reality... it was an incredibly emotional course and sadly I wasn't quite strong enough to deal with it... I'm also financially fucked... so it's back to work and on the payroll... get myself back to the career I thought I'd left behind. The money is good and it'll sustain me at least until I know where I'm going with my life.

I'm desperate to get myself back to being the true Missy... I'm not far off... I'm most definitely getting there... I just need a plan...  I like a plan as much as I like a list... I've not made many lists this past year which is quite unlike me... but... I've started making them again and actually crossing things off... the 'TO DO' lists are getting done... I'm on my way back... Hurrah!

So here we go... I've got a couple of days off work... I'm working hard on finding a new job and the hunt is on for a new housemate... I'll be ok... just not today x

I've had a date that wasn't disastrous... I was pleasantly surprised by just how un-disastrous it was and look forward to seeing him again. He'll be a good influence on me I think and that can only be a good thing eh!

The Welsh One

So you're up to speed now on how things sadly ended with The Bloke. I'm still sad about this... I really liked him and sadly I hadn't realised how much until it was too late. Bugger!

I still text him... more to make a nuisance of myself than anything... I know he won't change his mind and give it another go... but I'm happy to remind him he's a douche and made a rubbish decision.

So what next...? Well... there was a chap that I had been texting on/off from *dodgy fishing site* and without The Bloke or Pilot to think of I agreed to meet him at last. 

If you've not guessed from the title of the blog... He's Welsh... what's even more exciting (probably only to me) is that he is also a fluent Welsh speaker... this bumps him up a good few notches up the favourites list because I rarely get to speak to anyone in Welsh these days and having a Welsh boyfriend would've been just super.

That's not going to happen... not with this guy anyway! This is why....

First meet/date.... I drove up to Oxford to meet him... he's very recently had knee surgery and unable to drive so I'm more than willing on this occasion to make the trip to him. He lives on an RAF base somewhere in the middle of nowhere, Oxford. I get there... he meets me in the car park... we have a 30 second 'hello, nice to finally meet you' type greeting and in we go to the security office to have my photo and ID scrutinised and held on RAF database forever before I'm allowed on the base. Bit awkward and weird but I'm funny when under pressure so cracked a few gags had everyone in fits of giggles and BOOM I'm in with everyone...bahahaha!

Turns out he was driving... had a go that morning and did ok but wasn't sure doing anymore than a tour of the base would be a good idea. Not a problem... showing he has a sensible side... going well so far. I follow him back to his barracks... we drop the car off and he gives me a tour of the base... all very interesting... he thought it was a bit nerdy and boring but the chances are I'll never get to see it again so actually I quite enjoyed it.

Anyway... tour done... we hopped back into my car and went off in search of a country pub for a bite to eat and a good get to know you afternoon. Conversation flowed... we had lots in common... he's very handsome... and we're getting on great. Food done... he suggests we go into a nearby village to get a coffee and a wander... we did... again all very lovely... lots of shits and giggles... it's all grand. 

He told me 'my' joke which stunned me... a joke I'll tell anyone when there's a duck about and rarely anyone laughs... he told it to me... I'm planning our wedding! I'm not really... that's a little irony I'm throwing in for the punchline later...

Besides being Welsh... handsome and funny... he's BIG into his rugby and we seem to have a huge amount in common. The afternoon was splendid (think hard... when was the last time you heard that word) and I was in no rush to call it a day... we had got as far as holding hands and I could sense he wanted to kiss me but he hadn't tried and I wasn't leaving without a smooch so I invited myself in on the pretence I wanted to know what RAF barracks looked like. Lame as it might be... it worked. To be fair I was quite surprised... it was better accommodation than most University halls and his room was spotless. Winner!

After a bit more chatting... I finally got my snog... seriously felt like a teenager again... in the boy I fancy's bedroom waiting for him to kiss me... again it was all very lovely and he'd started to relax and we're getting on great. I stayed all evening, we just watched TV, chatted and snogged... so very 1996 :) it was lovely.

Couple of days later he's making his way to me and I'm introducing him to my Pooch... it's a big moment in any girls life when she introduces a guy to the dog because if the dog doesn't like you well you've got no chance of seeing me again. So he turns up at mine with a stunning (seriously just stunning) bouquet of hand tied flowers and a bag of doggy chews for Pablo... he's a winner for sure. I really this guy for his manners... they're very important to me... and he's picked up on this. 

We had a lovely evening... chatted some more... a few kisses and cwtches and then bed time... he's supposed to be staying in the spare room... I'd rather he stays in with me for a cwtch up. I've no intention of sexing him up... I've not waxed my legs in 6weeks... but a bedtime cwtch I am absolutely loving the idea of. He's a real gent... he's even brought his pyjamas with him... cute! So we do... he doesn't try it on... there's none of that awkwardness where he thinks he's getting a shag and all he's actually getting is a cwtch... he was happy to have a nice cwtch up and some sleepy kisses. 

So we're all good so far... sounds blissful doesn't it? Yeah I know... this is where I start counting my chickens... I'm thinking bloody hell... what a lucky girl I am to have met The Bloke, The Pilot and now The Welsh One and all of them be absolutely lovely. Well errr... yeah... there's a saying Missy... and they ain't hatched yet!

Our next meet up is the following Wednesday... I've forgotten that I've already made plans with a friend and we're supposed to be having a girly night and going to the cinema. I tell him Sunday evening that we'll have to re-arrange... he's fine with this but we're both busy every other day of the week so it's going to be Sunday the following week before I get to see him again. I'm a little bit sad about this... a week is a long time... but it can't be helped. We chat on the phone for a bit most nights... text throughout the day and play Draw Something in the evening. It's all good and I'm excited about getting to know this guy.

It all turned very sour on the Wednesday afternoon... I hadn't heard from him all day and whilst I was online checking my messages on *dodgy fishing site* he was online too so I opened up a chat box to say hello and opened with...

              Me: Hello you... is your phone broken?

               Him: No... why?

               Me: Thought it must be 'cos I've not heard from you all day

And just like that... the dream was no more. Talk about take a bit of banter the wrong way... fuck me... he went right off on one... who am I to be keeping tabs on him... i could've phoned him... if this is what I'm always going to be like then he's best calling it a day now... it was amazing... the kinda mentalist reaction you get from the boyfriend you've been seeing for years and actually hate... the one you just can't bring yourself to get rid of... yeah you know the one... he was being just like that... shocker!

I left it until the next day before dropping him a text... thinking after a day to think about what happened he'd accept that his reaction was a little on the mental side... errr seems not... It would appear that I had been pushing things and moving everything too fast... those two meetings where we'd NOT talked about marriage... NOT talked about kids... NOT talked about anything remotely 'in the future' stuff... NOT EVEN HAD SEX... I was rushing it all too much... what a fucking weirdo!

So that was the end of that one... two dates... it seems to be the standard for me... fuck it... I'm not sure if I can be arsed with it all now... we'll see eh! I honestly have no idea why I'm attracting everyone else's share of weirdos but I think it's time they all fuck off and let me find a normo now please...

The Bloke...

so i haven't blogged for ages again… sorry. 

Things have taken a turn for the worse with The Bloke… I didn't see this coming and to be fair I'm quite disappointed.

I introduced him to my best friend on the Saturday… Big day for us all. She… more than anyone else in my life has the most influence on my decisions… other than myself of course! It's important the right impression is made on her… if she doesn't like him… well quite simply he's gone!

Anyway… Saturday… Wales v England… me & JD out in Reading on the smash and The Bloke was meeting us just after KO… he was late… quite a bit late so JD and I were on our way to being a little bit smashed by the time he rocked up.

The Bloke isn't a big drinker… we are… he tried to play catch up... and well... basically we ruined him… destroyed by two girls… not good! We were back in the house by 11pm at the absolute latest… he was sick everywhere… the bathroom looked like a murder scene… he really was in a bad way. Not quite sure what actually finished him off… could've been anything… black, white or raspberry sambuca… the enormous quantities of Jeager Bombs or the pint of Vodka Coke I made him down as the bouncer was escorting us out of the pub for being rude to the barman hahaha! Whatever it was, it seemed to have been the start of the end.

Neither of us were very well on the Sunday... he was clearly a broken man particularly after a day on the Golf course. Me however... I went and did all again with the girls and had a funday Sunday with my ladies. Sunday night was a chilled out relaxed night in and Monday morning was the last I saw of him. He dropped me off at the train station on the way to work and I flew out to Copenhagen that evening for a few days.

He dumped me by text... it wasn't an outright 'you're dumped' text... we'd been chatting about an issue that we had and it turned into 'sorry welshy, but I can't see you again'. Gutted to say the least. We obviously talked about it when I got back but he firmly believes that despite his feelings for me 'the issue' will be a big problem for us and renders us incompatible.

Boo hoo Missy but really? Big deal I hear you all shouting. I've been bleating non-stop for the past year how I'm not ready or wanting a boyfriend... well that's kinda true until I met The Bloke. He made me genuinely smile when I thought about being in a relationship with him. I was happy to tell everyone about this wonderful guy that I'd met and he was my boyfriend (kindof).

I genuinely miss him. We've talked and text a few times since but he's still adamant that despite calling me the funniest and most genuine girl he'd ever met i deserved to have someone who was crazy about me and that just isn't him.


I can't say I'm not disappointed... obviously I am... JD reckons it's because we emasculated him so badly on the Rugby day... I've a fairly good idea he's talking sense and despite being brilliant together we're not compatible for the long haul. Shame.


Back to the drawing board...

It's always the same...

... the older we get the wiser we get surely? We stop making the same mistakes yah? Apparently not!


I've finally met up with a few chaps now from *dodgy fishing site* and so far so good. There's two that I like... and now... I'm torn... the good & the bad... 'The Bloke'... good... 'or... 'The Pilot'... bad! Why the pilot even gets consideration is baffling me but I'm hooked... and it's bugging me BIG TIME!


He plays a good game... just when I start to question whether he even likes me... he'll drop me a text and start a new game play... Foolishly I'll engage and it starts all over again.


He's affectionate until he remembers he's supposed to be The Cunt and not The Nice Guy... a facade he dons so well. The arrogant drops his guard... you can see he's lovely inside... this is why I like him... he's witty beyond the arrogance and so very very handsome... a smile so cheeky it just makes me giddy. He's the one you chase, knowing full well he'll break your heart...


Ahhh but then there's 'The Bloke'... he brings an instant smile to my face... there is nothing not to like about The Bloke... he's perfect... I like him... I like him a lot... BUT... I don't know what the but is... there's just a but... WHY? 
I love being with him... love talking to him... I'll even go as far as admitting I miss him a bit when he's not around. So why put all of that at risk for The Pilot who I'm pretty sure couldn't care less if he never saw me again? Fear of commitment? Maybe! Fear of falling in love and getting hurt? Probably... Most likely... that's how it usually works right? Someone that didn't deserve you last time fucks it up for the good one that comes next? The ex's final legacy to fuck you up forever! 


So I have a decision to make... The Pilot is away for the next three months... time to give me and The Bloke enough 'getting to know each other' time to decide exactly where this is going... he's an absolute gem... tomorrow I'm introducing him to my best friend JD and her boyfriend... we're going to get drunk watching the Wales v England rugby match... One Welsh... Three English... A GOOD DAY WILL BE HAD BY ALL :)