You're all fairly up to date with the disaster that is my life and it appears I'm not on my own. Most of my single friends are experiencing the same horror... dates turn up not resembling their profile photos... some are using photos 10yrs old... one turned up to meet Dave with an arse the size of Wales... turns out she'd only uploaded head shots! Some of them are just plain mental... they've had a hard time with an ex and need saving by their new fella... poor Dave... poor singletons.
Desperate measures... cue a bit of organisation... Dave made a list!
The list is fairly comprehensive... he's not left much out... nothing wrong with having standards...
This list of mine... I wrote it years ago. Long before Z-List and I think maybe even before Fiancee No.2. I think it was after a particularly disastrous encounter with some dodgy 'Monkey Doorman' from Swansea and my mother was fed up with my poor choices in men. My Mammy & I compiled the list together... she typed it up... laminated it & made purse sized copies for all of my friends. Mammy Welsh wants me married off!
And this is my list... compiled at the tender age of 22 maybe 23(ish)...
My requirements have changed somewhat over the years... different priorities now but standards are just the same.
- 5'11" or Taller... I'll sacrifice my heel collection for nobody
- Fit not Fat... You need to be a gym bunny or sports fanatic but do it naturally... Steroid users need not apply
- NO Kids... Sorry lads... I'm not budging on this one... I want my own before I play Mam to someone else's.
- Only a maximum of 5years older... 6 years younger :)
- Table Manners... Don't talk with your mouthful or take food from my plate... I WILL stab you with my fork!
- Good Oral Hygiene... It's not hard to brush your gnashers and swig a bit of mouthwash
- Personal Hygiene... Shower... Often
- Clean shaved... I can't stress the importance of a shaved chest, back, neck, shoulders and man garden... I am totally freaked out by body hair... my phobia will never go away.
- Animal Lover... My pooch is my life... I'd be lost without him and the cat... NEVER stick a peg on my cats tail... it makes us both mad!
- Drivers Licence and Own Car... I'm not your mum or a taxi service... If you're too dumb or drunk to drive... jog on!
- Witty... There's a difference between making a joke and laughing at one... if you're not funny... I'm not interested
- Have your own life... Do your own thing... Do it often and give me my space... I don't like cling-ons... Don't be needy... I'm a bitch when I feel smothered.
- Confidence... do not confuse this with arrogance... whilst its funny for you to be a cunt on times... tone it down when we're together... DON'T be a twat... nobody likes a twat!
- Intelligent... you don't need to have a Masters or PhD but a modicum of intelligence and ability to hold a conversation is desirable... even advantageous.
- Ambition... You don't need to be Alan Sugar but have the desire to be the very best in life at all times... if you are driven to succeed you will be successful
- Be clued up... know what's going on in the world... read the national paper... watch the news... take an interest... your small insular world is of no interest to anyone but yourself
- Don't be shallow or selfish... self-explanatory!
- Be honest... Liars have no place in my life... ever
- Be a demon in bed... there's always time to play.
- Treat me as I treat you... If I've got time for you then you've got a place in my heart... you are loved... don't abuse that... its precious.
Auditions start week Wednesday... tweet me your CV for consideration
@Missy_Welsh x
'Nothing illegal trade wise' I think this was written post year 2000? xx
ReplyDeleteHaha indeed it was... x
ReplyDeleteLoving your ramblings Missy. My list is pretty much like yours - isn't that what every decent girl wants though? Do you still live in Wales? If so, I don't think we'll find those things here...or at least I'm finding it difficult!
ReplyDeleteSounds reasonable to me. I fail on a lot of those though :( x
ReplyDelete