Its arrived... The Big Three (uh) Oh!

Well... Here we are. Destination Old Timer. The Dirty Thirties!

I had intended on saving my present opening until morning but part of the excitement of gift opening is having an audience so while my good friend was with me last night I opened my lovely gifts from her. I've been spoiled already, I'm a lucky girl. I had a goody bag of fun gifts and a main present too and Pablo helped opening them for me. It's the only time I allow him to get involved in ripping & tearing (yeah yeah, mixed messages I know) but its the funniest thing to watch a dog unwrap presents.

Anyway, I saw midnight in with my good friend who witnessed a complete meltdown upon blowing out my candles. Unlucky for me she captured the whole sorry mess on camera :(
My cake and candles so kindly sent by post from a friend back home was broken into at midnight, let's all eat cake & drink Gin WOOP!

I went to bed reasonably smashed, a bottle of wine and a healthy few Gins saw to that. There were more tears before bedtime however, more so at the realisation I'd be waking up to the dog... better than being alone I suppose!!!

So here I am, still a bit pissed blogging in bed cwtched up to a snoring 10stone Bullmastiff.
Happy Birthday Missy... It's all AMAZIN from here (apparently)!

He must know...

Which one of you told him? Come on, own up. One of you obviously told Pablo I had decided to blog about him and his antics because since I announced Diary of a Disastrous Dog he's been the model pet.

Clearly this is a lie, Pablo wouldn't know how to be a model pet. What he has been however is fairly good, which in comparisson to his usual behaviour is as close to being a model pet as I'm likely to get.

I've given up buying expensive dog beds & now buy a basics single duvet & cover it with an old duvet cover. I can usually get a fortnight out of it before it gets too out of control & I have to bin it.

He starts by bunching pockets of fabric between his paws and sucks on it until he makes a hole then he starts pulling the fluff through and eventually my house looks like this...

Diary of a Disastrous Dog...17th Nov 2011

For those of you that know me you will be all too familiar with my frequent Facebook rants and posts about my delinquent dog. There is no doubt in my mind that Pablo as wonderful as he is has special needs and if he were a child would most certainly be on the 'Spectrum' somewhere as well as probably being diagnosed with ADHD.

I love him dearly, he is my best friend. He's fiercely loyal and a devoted companion but his 'Issues' are comparable to no other dog I've known. It has become routine to expect daily damage and I am relieved on the days where he's only chewed a box or pulled the bin apart and not ruined something of any value.

I don't know why he's like this. He gets walked daily, always has a comfy bed, gets fed all the top dog food and is made a fuss of in bucket loads. I know how to look after dogs, I've had them all my life. I know the rules about training them and have successfully trained my two previous dogs with no issues at all. Pablo is in a league of his own!

As I write this I know when I get home there will be something to clear up. This morning after I'd fed him and he'd had a run around the garden he stole a pack of Percy Pig biscuits & ate the lot. Gutted! I bloody love those.
Last night he pulled the tablecloth from the kitchen table, pulled the fruit bowl onto the floor & hid lemons, limes & avacados around the kitchen for me to find throughout the evening. Treasure hunt... Pablo style!!!

I imagine I'll find the missing avacado next week once it's gone furry, hidden in some obscure corner of the kitchen.

His best demolition effort so far has to be hippo. This one did make me chuckle. Hippo had clearly upset him during the day & needed to be taught a lesson.
What a lesson to be taught...

NEXT....

So yesterday I told you about my first love and last night I thought about the next boyfriend that followed. There wasn’t a boyfriend of any lengthy period for a long while after the Paper Boy; I did have one or two boyfriends & lots of dates but none that stand out with any significance or drama that would lead to a good blog read. I was a pretty girl with a lot of male interest and a very low boredom threshold, none of them lasted more than a couple of weeks. I needed a guy to keep me on my toes and make life in a small town interesting and exciting... if only I knew what was round the corner!

I’m a little apprehensive to be spilling the beans too much on the next one, he was a wrong ‘un; a bad apple to the very core but he could charm the birds from the trees or as my Mam put it ‘The knickers off a Nun’. There was something about this one that had me sucked in right from the absolute second I saw him. Not because of looks, I distinctly remember not fancying him when I first met him, but because he was so charming and confident. He owned the room and I loved that, it was intriguing. He was also considerably older than my mere 17 years and with his age came something that no guy my own age could match.  

Everybody warned me off ‘MrCharming’ I was told many bad stories about him but I listened to no-one and persevered with the relationship. Looking back, I kick myself over & over again for staying with this one, he brought me nothing but trouble, stress, lies and tears. I was with him right the way through until my early twenties and although I saw a side of him nobody else could, a side I loved so very much; his bad side consistently dominated his life and personality. He was his own worst enemy; quite literally he poisoned everything & everyone around him.

This has prompted me to take a rather odd tangent and avoid all the gory details of my relationship with ‘MrCharming’. There is infact nothing pleasant or humorous to write, he was a bastard plain & simple.

I have so many sad memories from this relationship, many that instantly bring a stinging tear to my eye as soon as I think back. I do have some good memories of course, but they’re all tangled in lengthy stories of drama & let downs, of a man lost to his own demons unable to escape and so desperately clinging to those around him willing to stand by his side. He was a good man deep down, I staunchly believe this, but that was so seldom seen by others it was a constant battle to persuade anyone that was the case. In my five years with ‘MrCharming’ he taught me many things, the biggest thing I learnt was my own strength of character and how incredibly loyal I am to those I care about. I learnt that good people are capable of bad things and that I believe in people and forgive all too easily.

Anyway, I’ve been on a bit of a downer recently and thinking about this and my life with ‘MrCharming’ has put me in a terribly despondent mood so I’ve decided to sack off the Boyfriends Past because quite frankly, they’re all rubbish (other than Paper Boy) and there’s a reason they’re not in my life anymore!

There’s only one guy for me right now, he’s the biggest pain in the arse of them all but my God do I love him. His name is Pablo. He’s a nine year old Bullmastiff x Rhodesian ridgeback and every single day he will stress me out to the point of going grey.

Until I have something of any comedy value to report back with, please enjoy the Diaries of a Disastrous Dog....

My first love...

Reflection is a wonderful thing, it SCREAMS ‘I told you so’ and you would (if you could) punch it in the face for being so smug.

This week is my last week of being in my twenties (and I’ll remind you of this every day) so I’ve decided to look back on boyfriends passed and re-live the tears and heartache so many have brought.

Let’s start at the beginning, seems as good a place as any.

I was 15 when I got my first boyfriend; he was lovely and resembled Jack from Home & Away. Not the current Jack from Home & Away but the one from the nineties that lived with Pippa; he was the one with the black floppy hair. Anyway, he was two years older than me and had already left school when we started dating, I was in my final year and he had a job as an apprentice which meant he was A-M-A-Z-I-N-G ‘cos he had money and a car WOW! He was a real sweetie, a genuinely lovely guy but at 15 I wasn’t really interested in nice, so I bossed him around and took miles when I was given inches and all round bullied him into submission, poor guy.

Of course I didn’t deliberately treat him badly, nor did I set out to ever be mean to him. I was unfortunately a very spoilt teenager and always got my own way, I knew no other way of dealing with people. I blame my parent’s lol!

Sadly, I was unkind to poor ‘Jack’ and fell in love with another; I fell in love with the Paper Boy. The paper boy was my first love, there’s no other way of describing how I felt about him. I looked forward every day to the evening paper being delivered. Ahhh those butterflies every day when I realised the time, ran upstairs and hid in my bedroom with the lights off spying at him through the window. Hahahaha what a stupid arse!

Saturday’s he used to come to collect his money so every Saturday I would be looking my absolute best in preparation to answer the door and give him an eyeful, even at 15 I had an impressive rack, he loved it and so did I. Sadly, one person who wasn’t up for the Paper Boy/Missy love-story was my Dad. He had threatened on several occasions to ‘Nail my bloody feet to the floor’ if these young boys didn’t stop sniffing round his daughter and I would never leave the house again. My Dad in his wisdom set up a Direct Debit (they were just being introduced then) for the Evening Post so Paper Boy had no reason to come knocking. Oh Dad!

As the story goes, Paper-Boy & I hooked up in our local nightclub one boozy Saturday night. Boozy at 15 of course was one, maybe two vodka & orange’s and that was all the pocket money would stretch to once you’d paid your door entry & put your coat in the cloakroom. Much has changed in the 15years passed; I now have a liver of steel and can drink (almost) any guy under the table. I am proud, very proud of my talent and stamina for a boozy weekend and the ability to avoid a hangover the next day.

I digress; Paper-Boy & I hooked up and after that were inseparable. Sadly, he had a girlfriend and I had a boyfriend; we were a forbidden love! LMAO this is making me chuckle. Everything was such a big deal at 15; I was absolutely crackers about him & couldn’t ever imagine life without him. Silly Missy!

We saw each other secretly for months, I was smitten. We would sneak around to each other’s houses and lie to our parents about where we were & who we were with.  Goodness knows how we thought it was a secret, our phone bills must have been humungous the amount of time we spent talking to each other. Even when I went out to phone him from the phone box (ahhh yes kids, there were no mobiles back then) I would use my BT Calling card my Dad gave me for emergencies and charge the call back to our house phone lolololol what an idiot!

Eventually we went public, I had broken up with Jack & PB had broken up with his girlfriend & I was free to tell everyone how in love with him I was. He had also by then passed his driving test & was now the very proud owner of a blue Vauxhall Nova. OMIGOD remember those? WOW!

I remember that this car was his pride & joy, so much so he invested in a talking alarm for it. If you got too close it would speak up saying ‘Please step away from the car’, this amused us no end and of course the boys would constantly wind PB up by setting the bloody thing off. Ahhh the fun we had!

We had the freedom of the open road & by God did we miss every opportunity to get some privacy. I don’t think we once left the town, not even as far as Mumbles for a Joe’s Ice Cream. Instead, we used to cruise around town wasting petrol and talking about Music & Cars. I was pretty clued up about cars back then; I had plenty of time to read car magazines while PB was mixing it up on his decks being cool. I was a massive tom boy, I had no clue how apparently attractive this made me to the boys, I looked hot but I knew a lot about cars & motorbikes, I could burp the alphabet & I wasn’t afraid to fart in public. Conversation would never dry up with me around!

Clearly the burping & farting, no matter how cool it made me I just wasn’t cool enough and as it transpired Paper Boy’s girlfriend was back on the scene and now it was all out war to win my man.         I didn’t win!

He chose the heavily make-upped ‘K’ and I went off to lick my wounds and break my heart. I genuinely did break my heart over him. My Mam went into consolation overdrive when I refused to leave my bedroom let alone step foot outside the house. I cried solidly for days, wouldn’t eat anything not even the copious amounts of chocolate and ice cream my Mammy kept trying to force feed me.

It took ages to mend my broken heart; after that I dated a complete fool for years. And so history has repeated itself time and time again. One idiot after anther!

I’m not calling PB an idiot, how could I? He was my first love and to this day I still have a little soft spot for him. I also know he’s reading this so I don’t want to say anything bad and upset him. We remain friends to this day and although I rarely see him his friendship is one I will always treasure.

Thanks for the memories dude, good times x

Nearly there...REALLY? ALREADY?

So its been nearly 6months since I last updated u all with my crazy dates & truth be told I've not had the energy to do it again. Fit scarred me!
Don't get me wrong, there have been a few 'interests' between then & now but nothing as comedy gold as my date with Mr Fit.
Anyway, today is a day of reflection as next week I will be turning 30. The BIG three-oh! I've mixed feelings about meeting adulthood, I'm not ready to be recognised by small children as old. I don't feel old, I'm told I don't act old & certainly (even if I do say myself) don't look old. How the hell did I get here so quick?
Every day this week I intend to reflect with some hilarity on the past ten years. It's been emotional & disastrous.
I'm going to re-visit boyfriends past (not physically obviously) so for those of you I'm still in touch with... watch out ...I'm going to be blogging about you :) x