It's always the same...

... the older we get the wiser we get surely? We stop making the same mistakes yah? Apparently not!


I've finally met up with a few chaps now from *dodgy fishing site* and so far so good. There's two that I like... and now... I'm torn... the good & the bad... 'The Bloke'... good... 'or... 'The Pilot'... bad! Why the pilot even gets consideration is baffling me but I'm hooked... and it's bugging me BIG TIME!


He plays a good game... just when I start to question whether he even likes me... he'll drop me a text and start a new game play... Foolishly I'll engage and it starts all over again.


He's affectionate until he remembers he's supposed to be The Cunt and not The Nice Guy... a facade he dons so well. The arrogant drops his guard... you can see he's lovely inside... this is why I like him... he's witty beyond the arrogance and so very very handsome... a smile so cheeky it just makes me giddy. He's the one you chase, knowing full well he'll break your heart...


Ahhh but then there's 'The Bloke'... he brings an instant smile to my face... there is nothing not to like about The Bloke... he's perfect... I like him... I like him a lot... BUT... I don't know what the but is... there's just a but... WHY? 
I love being with him... love talking to him... I'll even go as far as admitting I miss him a bit when he's not around. So why put all of that at risk for The Pilot who I'm pretty sure couldn't care less if he never saw me again? Fear of commitment? Maybe! Fear of falling in love and getting hurt? Probably... Most likely... that's how it usually works right? Someone that didn't deserve you last time fucks it up for the good one that comes next? The ex's final legacy to fuck you up forever! 


So I have a decision to make... The Pilot is away for the next three months... time to give me and The Bloke enough 'getting to know each other' time to decide exactly where this is going... he's an absolute gem... tomorrow I'm introducing him to my best friend JD and her boyfriend... we're going to get drunk watching the Wales v England rugby match... One Welsh... Three English... A GOOD DAY WILL BE HAD BY ALL :)

The List...

A friend of mine who is recently single & being fresh back on the dating scene emailed me the other week to share with me his stories of disastrous dates. The dating scene is killing him already. It's a grim place to be... single & dating... even worse... divorced & dating!

You're all fairly up to date with the disaster that is my life and it appears I'm not on my own. Most of my single friends are experiencing the same horror... dates turn up not resembling their profile photos... some are using photos 10yrs old... one turned up to meet Dave with an arse the size of Wales... turns out she'd only uploaded head shots! Some of them are just plain mental... they've had a hard time with an ex and need saving by their new fella... poor Dave... poor singletons. 

Desperate measures... cue a bit of organisation... Dave made a list!

The list is fairly comprehensive... he's not left much out... nothing wrong with having standards...

So his list got me to thinking about my list... I have a list... of course I have a list... I have a list for everything... my whole life is about lists... I am ridiculously anal about list making... often I'll write something on my list just so I can have the pleasure of marking it off... mental? Hell yeah!

This list of mine... I wrote it years ago. Long before Z-List and I think maybe even before Fiancee No.2. I think it was after a particularly disastrous encounter with some dodgy 'Monkey Doorman' from Swansea and my mother was fed up with my poor choices in men. My Mammy & I compiled the list together... she typed it up... laminated it & made purse sized copies for all of my friends. Mammy Welsh wants me married off!

And this is my list... compiled at the tender age of 22 maybe 23(ish)...

My requirements have changed somewhat over the years... different priorities now but standards are just the same.

I think it's time to compile a new list... Here goes...

• 5'11" or Taller... I'll sacrifice my heel collection for nobody
• Fit not Fat... You need to be a gym bunny or sports fanatic but do it naturally... Steroid users need not apply
• NO Kids... Sorry lads... I'm not budging on this one... I want my own before I play Mam to someone else's.
• Only a maximum of 5years older... 6 years younger :)
• Table Manners... Don't talk with your mouthful or take food from my plate... I WILL stab you with my fork!
• Good Oral Hygiene... It's not hard to brush your gnashers and swig a bit of mouthwash
• Personal Hygiene... Shower... Often
• Clean shaved... I can't stress the importance of a shaved chest, back, neck, shoulders and man garden... I am totally freaked out by body hair... my phobia will never go away.
• Animal Lover... My pooch is my life... I'd be lost without him and the cat... NEVER stick a peg on my cats tail... it makes us both mad!
• Drivers Licence and Own Car... I'm not your mum or a taxi service... If you're too dumb or drunk to drive... jog on!
• Witty... There's a difference between making a joke and laughing at one... if you're not funny... I'm not interested
• Have your own life... Do your own thing... Do it often and give me my space... I don't like cling-ons... Don't be needy... I'm a bitch when I feel smothered.
• Confidence... do not confuse this with arrogance... whilst its funny for you to be a cunt on times... tone it down when we're together... DON'T be a twat... nobody likes a twat!
• Intelligent... you don't need to have a Masters or PhD but a modicum of intelligence and ability to hold a conversation is desirable... even advantageous.
• Ambition... You don't need to be Alan Sugar but have the desire to be the very best in life at all times... if you are driven to succeed you will be successful
• Be clued up... know what's going on in the world... read the national paper... watch the news... take an interest... your small insular world is of no interest to anyone but yourself
• Don't be shallow or selfish... self-explanatory!
• Be honest... Liars have no place in my life... ever
• Be a demon in bed... there's always time to play.
• Treat me as I treat you... If I've got time for you then you've got a place in my heart... you are loved... don't abuse that... its precious.

So... there you go... the revised Missy's Love Interest Shopping List... what's the chances there's someone out there that fits the bill?

Auditions start week Wednesday... tweet me your CV for consideration

@Missy_Welsh x

Busted!

So I'm still fishing... just about... they really are a strange bunch of bellends...

Anyway... success has so far been limited as you'll know from my previous blog... I'm staying optimistic tho and I've been chatting to a few more potentials... but last week I got busted good & proper!


I've been chatting a fitty in the RAF that's recently moved to Reading. Friends in the area are limited as is his local knowledge... cue Missy's Travels and a friendly tour of the town centre, and their alcohol filled bars. Just my type... a little hairier than I'd normally go for but there's razors and wax strips that can sort that bad boy out ;)

Sadly... meeting up wasn't as spontaneous as I'd have liked... he had to go away with work for a week or so but we'd agreed to get in touch when he got back and that's how it was left.

In the meantime... I got bored... I'd saved a few fitties into my favourites but hadn't got in touch... feeling a bit cheeky I decided to message one smiler and the banter began... he's gorgeous... beautiful teeth and a really cheeky grin... he's also a pilot in the RAF... the banter was top notch and he oozed arrogance... which made him all the more appealing.

Turns out however... and in hindsight it was glaringly bloody obvious... Pilot and Smiler are friends!!! Not just friends... they're actual fucking flatmates... Oh Jeezus wept... just my luck!

So... where do we go from here? I'm told that the 'Bro Code' rules out a meet... gutted... but totally understood... us girls are just the same... never go with your mates men... they're out of bounds... forever!

We had a few flirty messages back & forth but I was clear that I wasn't going to meet either of them... it's not allowed... EVER!
So I was quite surprised to receive a message a few days later from Smiler telling me he'd chatted to his flatmate and Pilot1 has given Pilot2 the ok... fancy meeting this week?
WTF? Is this a test? They're testing me aren't they? If I say yes... I get blown out by both of them... If I say no... I don't get chance to ever meet either... Fuck it... Test or no test... I want to see those lovely teeth and I want a night on the lash with the smiley pilot. So I said YES... we texted... seriously LOVE this guys banter... he's sooooo incredibly cheeky... and I encouraged it even more... I really like a guy that can play the game... this is the type of guy I've been looking to meet. Hurrah... they do exist and not just in my head!!!

So we meet... both a bit tired from shitty day at work... there's no AMAZING meet & greet... he plays it cool... I think I did too. We went for a few drinks and Smiler doesn't come up for air... He really does like to talk about himself... this guy is the male version of me... and I'm slightly smitten. Tee hee!
Genuinely I don't think we said a nice word to each other all evening... I loved it... just like being out with my friends... I WANT... NEED... TO SEE THIS MAN AGAIN!
His arrogance was overwhelming... he kept me on my toes and he's a filthy little fucker to boot. If I was ready to be chasing down a man for a boyfriend I'd definitely be setting my sights on this one... but I'm not... sad times... can I make him my new best friend? I want this cheeky fucker in my life... he'll make weekends on the lash all the more fun!

Success at last... thank you *dodgy fishing site* :)

Slippery Little F**kers!!!

It feels like an eternity since I last blogged... Apologies... I think I needed a bit of a break from the laptop and I've had a few 'family' issues that made it essential to make a trip to the motherland.

I'm still fishing and it's all just getting dodgier by the day.

I've part-completed a few blogs so I'm a little out of sync now... I'll try my best to get you back up to speed (in order)...

As of two weeks ago I still had my date with 'Guns' planned and I was supposed to have had a date with a 25yr old Welshman living near *smalltown* but he blew me out at the last minute with some sorry arse excuse. I'm not too sure what's going on but the meeting thing is something that's definitely NOT on these guys agenda. Weird little buggers!

So my date with 'Guns' finally arrived... six weeks of texting and chatting... very excited that we're finally getting to meet... he even phoned me at midnight the night before to tell me how much he was looking forward to meeting me... we talked about what we'd do during the day etc... all good... so WTF went wrong? He didn't turn up... stood me right up and then ignored all calls and texts!
WHY? I'm puzzled... soooo bloody puzzled. Why would anyone put in 6 weeks worth of effort... texting... emailing... chatting... if you had absolutely no intention of ever meeting? If that's all you want to be doing then fuck off to the bloody chat rooms. What's the actual point? I'm on *dodgy fishing site* to meet guys... I don't want to be texting constantly... I've got twitter for that...!!!

So I've been chatting to a few more guys... I persevere... most of them I'm doing it out of politeness rather than fancy. I actually just can't be arsed this week, it's the same old crap in every message...
"Hi, I saw your profile & liked what you'd written. I think we've got loads in common & look forward to hearing from you"
Oh good grief... boring! Something original please lads, it can't be that bloody hard can it?

I've collected plenty of phone numbers... my diary has been booked up every day but they all get cold feet at the absolute last minute. I can't quite work it out... what's going wrong?

I've shown my text conversations to friends... they'll be honest... brutal if needs be... am I being mental...? Do my texts scream 'I'm a psycho...run the fuck away'...? Apparently not! They're full of the usual flirtatious banter... they get back from me what they put in... nothing at all out of the ordinary. So what really is their agenda? I'm stumped... I've had lengthy analytical conversations with my friends... even pulled Brown Bear in on it... in his day he was the biggest player of them all... an expert in the game... even he's flummoxed! Surely the idea is to have a bit of banter... swap numbers... flirt some more... meet... shag... then the ignore is instigated? That's how it worked the last time I was single... granted that was quite some time ago... I jumped from a three year engagement straight into a relationship with Z-List... I had only a month breather between the two... the last time I was fishing for real I was 22/23... times have clearly changed!!!

I'm just about ready to sack off the whole sorry experience... I'm pretty sure that what I've heard about *dodgy fishing site* being a complete shag fest only applies to the folk in Welsh Land and to be fair they're not a picky bunch as a rule... The Southern English are a weird frigid bunch... I'm fed up!

Happy Anniversary...

It's February 1st 2012... 15 years ago to the day I lost my virginity! Today I am celebrating that because it is exactly half of my lifetime ago & I have been romping like a nympho and loving every randy second of it ever since!

I lost my cherry to the paper boy... my first love! There was a lot of alcohol involved that night & it was freezing cold outside... which is where we were... who said romance is dead?!?!
I remember a lot of fumbling... a whole world of pain... and thinking afterwards that sex might ever so slightly have been overrated!

Not to be put off... I put a plan in motion to try again... I took a day off school (without my folks knowing) and invited PB over to spend some time together.

I love it that he & I remain such good friends to this day because I had forgotten just how comedy gold the day turned out to be.

Last night we were reminiscing of our adventures & it appears his memory is far better than mine.

I remember the finer details... how he made me feel... the excitement of doing something so grown up and it all being so wonderful & all so very secret.

He remembers that he forgot the condoms & I sent him home to get them... and although we lived in the same village it was easily a 10-15minute walk to his from mine. He ran all the way home... too shattered to run back he grabbed his bike and cycled to mine but was then too tired for immediate action. Love him!

I remember having a brilliant time... It became quite addictive and we were at it every opportunity we got... a pair of oversexed randy teenagers!

My Mam was clearly suspicious of our shenanigans... overnight I had developed into a rampaging young woman as opposed to the shy & giggly teenager she had known... We had 'The Chat'... you know the one where she tries to convince you to stay away from boys and tells me sex isn't all it's cracked up to be... Hahaha yeah righto Mammy... WHATEVER!
All I remember thinking at that time was how rubbish my Dad must've been in the sack 'cos I was having a great time!
I'm sure he's not... but I don't really want to give it too much thought... thinking about my 'rents being lusty... urgh!

So let's raise a glass... let's make a toast... to losing your virginity... the most fun I've had in 15years x