... the older we get the wiser we get surely? We stop making the same mistakes yah? Apparently not!
I've finally met up with a few chaps now from *dodgy fishing site* and so far so good. There's two that I like... and now... I'm torn... the good & the bad... 'The Bloke'... good... 'or... 'The Pilot'... bad! Why the pilot even gets consideration is baffling me but I'm hooked... and it's bugging me BIG TIME!
He plays a good game... just when I start to question whether he even likes me... he'll drop me a text and start a new game play... Foolishly I'll engage and it starts all over again.
He's affectionate until he remembers he's supposed to be The Cunt and not The Nice Guy... a facade he dons so well. The arrogant drops his guard... you can see he's lovely inside... this is why I like him... he's witty beyond the arrogance and so very very handsome... a smile so cheeky it just makes me giddy. He's the one you chase, knowing full well he'll break your heart...
Ahhh but then there's 'The Bloke'... he brings an instant smile to my face... there is nothing not to like about The Bloke... he's perfect... I like him... I like him a lot... BUT... I don't know what the but is... there's just a but... WHY?
I love being with him... love talking to him... I'll even go as far as admitting I miss him a bit when he's not around. So why put all of that at risk for The Pilot who I'm pretty sure couldn't care less if he never saw me again? Fear of commitment? Maybe! Fear of falling in love and getting hurt? Probably... Most likely... that's how it usually works right? Someone that didn't deserve you last time fucks it up for the good one that comes next? The ex's final legacy to fuck you up forever!
So I have a decision to make... The Pilot is away for the next three months... time to give me and The Bloke enough 'getting to know each other' time to decide exactly where this is going... he's an absolute gem... tomorrow I'm introducing him to my best friend JD and her boyfriend... we're going to get drunk watching the Wales v England rugby match... One Welsh... Three English... A GOOD DAY WILL BE HAD BY ALL :)
Friday, 24 February 2012
Friday, 17 February 2012
The List...
A friend of mine who is recently single & being fresh back on the dating scene emailed me the other week to share with me his stories of disastrous dates. The dating scene is killing him already. It's a grim place to be... single & dating... even worse... divorced & dating!
You're all fairly up to date with the disaster that is my life and it appears I'm not on my own. Most of my single friends are experiencing the same horror... dates turn up not resembling their profile photos... some are using photos 10yrs old... one turned up to meet Dave with an arse the size of Wales... turns out she'd only uploaded head shots! Some of them are just plain mental... they've had a hard time with an ex and need saving by their new fella... poor Dave... poor singletons.
Desperate measures... cue a bit of organisation... Dave made a list!
The list is fairly comprehensive... he's not left much out... nothing wrong with having standards...
So his list got me to thinking about my list... I have a list... of course I have a list... I have a list for everything... my whole life is about lists... I am ridiculously anal about list making... often I'll write something on my list just so I can have the pleasure of marking it off... mental? Hell yeah!
I think it's time to compile a new list... Here goes...
Auditions start week Wednesday... tweet me your CV for consideration
@Missy_Welsh x
You're all fairly up to date with the disaster that is my life and it appears I'm not on my own. Most of my single friends are experiencing the same horror... dates turn up not resembling their profile photos... some are using photos 10yrs old... one turned up to meet Dave with an arse the size of Wales... turns out she'd only uploaded head shots! Some of them are just plain mental... they've had a hard time with an ex and need saving by their new fella... poor Dave... poor singletons.
Desperate measures... cue a bit of organisation... Dave made a list!
The list is fairly comprehensive... he's not left much out... nothing wrong with having standards...
This list of mine... I wrote it years ago. Long before Z-List and I think maybe even before Fiancee No.2. I think it was after a particularly disastrous encounter with some dodgy 'Monkey Doorman' from Swansea and my mother was fed up with my poor choices in men. My Mammy & I compiled the list together... she typed it up... laminated it & made purse sized copies for all of my friends. Mammy Welsh wants me married off!
And this is my list... compiled at the tender age of 22 maybe 23(ish)...
My requirements have changed somewhat over the years... different priorities now but standards are just the same.
- 5'11" or Taller... I'll sacrifice my heel collection for nobody
- Fit not Fat... You need to be a gym bunny or sports fanatic but do it naturally... Steroid users need not apply
- NO Kids... Sorry lads... I'm not budging on this one... I want my own before I play Mam to someone else's.
- Only a maximum of 5years older... 6 years younger :)
- Table Manners... Don't talk with your mouthful or take food from my plate... I WILL stab you with my fork!
- Good Oral Hygiene... It's not hard to brush your gnashers and swig a bit of mouthwash
- Personal Hygiene... Shower... Often
- Clean shaved... I can't stress the importance of a shaved chest, back, neck, shoulders and man garden... I am totally freaked out by body hair... my phobia will never go away.
- Animal Lover... My pooch is my life... I'd be lost without him and the cat... NEVER stick a peg on my cats tail... it makes us both mad!
- Drivers Licence and Own Car... I'm not your mum or a taxi service... If you're too dumb or drunk to drive... jog on!
- Witty... There's a difference between making a joke and laughing at one... if you're not funny... I'm not interested
- Have your own life... Do your own thing... Do it often and give me my space... I don't like cling-ons... Don't be needy... I'm a bitch when I feel smothered.
- Confidence... do not confuse this with arrogance... whilst its funny for you to be a cunt on times... tone it down when we're together... DON'T be a twat... nobody likes a twat!
- Intelligent... you don't need to have a Masters or PhD but a modicum of intelligence and ability to hold a conversation is desirable... even advantageous.
- Ambition... You don't need to be Alan Sugar but have the desire to be the very best in life at all times... if you are driven to succeed you will be successful
- Be clued up... know what's going on in the world... read the national paper... watch the news... take an interest... your small insular world is of no interest to anyone but yourself
- Don't be shallow or selfish... self-explanatory!
- Be honest... Liars have no place in my life... ever
- Be a demon in bed... there's always time to play.
- Treat me as I treat you... If I've got time for you then you've got a place in my heart... you are loved... don't abuse that... its precious.
Auditions start week Wednesday... tweet me your CV for consideration
@Missy_Welsh x
Tuesday, 14 February 2012
Busted!
So I'm still fishing... just about... they really are a strange bunch of bellends...
Anyway... success has so far been limited as you'll know from my previous blog... I'm staying optimistic tho and I've been chatting to a few more potentials... but last week I got busted good & proper!
I've been chatting a fitty in the RAF that's recently moved to Reading. Friends in the area are limited as is his local knowledge... cue Missy's Travels and a friendly tour of the town centre, and their alcohol filled bars. Just my type... a little hairier than I'd normally go for but there's razors and wax strips that can sort that bad boy out ;)
Sadly... meeting up wasn't as spontaneous as I'd have liked... he had to go away with work for a week or so but we'd agreed to get in touch when he got back and that's how it was left.
In the meantime... I got bored... I'd saved a few fitties into my favourites but hadn't got in touch... feeling a bit cheeky I decided to message one smiler and the banter began... he's gorgeous... beautiful teeth and a really cheeky grin... he's also a pilot in the RAF... the banter was top notch and he oozed arrogance... which made him all the more appealing.
Turns out however... and in hindsight it was glaringly bloody obvious... Pilot and Smiler are friends!!! Not just friends... they're actual fucking flatmates... Oh Jeezus wept... just my luck!
So... where do we go from here? I'm told that the 'Bro Code' rules out a meet... gutted... but totally understood... us girls are just the same... never go with your mates men... they're out of bounds... forever!
We had a few flirty messages back & forth but I was clear that I wasn't going to meet either of them... it's not allowed... EVER!
So I was quite surprised to receive a message a few days later from Smiler telling me he'd chatted to his flatmate and Pilot1 has given Pilot2 the ok... fancy meeting this week?
WTF? Is this a test? They're testing me aren't they? If I say yes... I get blown out by both of them... If I say no... I don't get chance to ever meet either... Fuck it... Test or no test... I want to see those lovely teeth and I want a night on the lash with the smiley pilot. So I said YES... we texted... seriously LOVE this guys banter... he's sooooo incredibly cheeky... and I encouraged it even more... I really like a guy that can play the game... this is the type of guy I've been looking to meet. Hurrah... they do exist and not just in my head!!!
So we meet... both a bit tired from shitty day at work... there's no AMAZING meet & greet... he plays it cool... I think I did too. We went for a few drinks and Smiler doesn't come up for air... He really does like to talk about himself... this guy is the male version of me... and I'm slightly smitten. Tee hee!
Genuinely I don't think we said a nice word to each other all evening... I loved it... just like being out with my friends... I WANT... NEED... TO SEE THIS MAN AGAIN!
His arrogance was overwhelming... he kept me on my toes and he's a filthy little fucker to boot. If I was ready to be chasing down a man for a boyfriend I'd definitely be setting my sights on this one... but I'm not... sad times... can I make him my new best friend? I want this cheeky fucker in my life... he'll make weekends on the lash all the more fun!
Success at last... thank you *dodgy fishing site* :)
Anyway... success has so far been limited as you'll know from my previous blog... I'm staying optimistic tho and I've been chatting to a few more potentials... but last week I got busted good & proper!
I've been chatting a fitty in the RAF that's recently moved to Reading. Friends in the area are limited as is his local knowledge... cue Missy's Travels and a friendly tour of the town centre, and their alcohol filled bars. Just my type... a little hairier than I'd normally go for but there's razors and wax strips that can sort that bad boy out ;)
Sadly... meeting up wasn't as spontaneous as I'd have liked... he had to go away with work for a week or so but we'd agreed to get in touch when he got back and that's how it was left.
In the meantime... I got bored... I'd saved a few fitties into my favourites but hadn't got in touch... feeling a bit cheeky I decided to message one smiler and the banter began... he's gorgeous... beautiful teeth and a really cheeky grin... he's also a pilot in the RAF... the banter was top notch and he oozed arrogance... which made him all the more appealing.
Turns out however... and in hindsight it was glaringly bloody obvious... Pilot and Smiler are friends!!! Not just friends... they're actual fucking flatmates... Oh Jeezus wept... just my luck!
So... where do we go from here? I'm told that the 'Bro Code' rules out a meet... gutted... but totally understood... us girls are just the same... never go with your mates men... they're out of bounds... forever!
We had a few flirty messages back & forth but I was clear that I wasn't going to meet either of them... it's not allowed... EVER!
So I was quite surprised to receive a message a few days later from Smiler telling me he'd chatted to his flatmate and Pilot1 has given Pilot2 the ok... fancy meeting this week?
WTF? Is this a test? They're testing me aren't they? If I say yes... I get blown out by both of them... If I say no... I don't get chance to ever meet either... Fuck it... Test or no test... I want to see those lovely teeth and I want a night on the lash with the smiley pilot. So I said YES... we texted... seriously LOVE this guys banter... he's sooooo incredibly cheeky... and I encouraged it even more... I really like a guy that can play the game... this is the type of guy I've been looking to meet. Hurrah... they do exist and not just in my head!!!
So we meet... both a bit tired from shitty day at work... there's no AMAZING meet & greet... he plays it cool... I think I did too. We went for a few drinks and Smiler doesn't come up for air... He really does like to talk about himself... this guy is the male version of me... and I'm slightly smitten. Tee hee!
Genuinely I don't think we said a nice word to each other all evening... I loved it... just like being out with my friends... I WANT... NEED... TO SEE THIS MAN AGAIN!
His arrogance was overwhelming... he kept me on my toes and he's a filthy little fucker to boot. If I was ready to be chasing down a man for a boyfriend I'd definitely be setting my sights on this one... but I'm not... sad times... can I make him my new best friend? I want this cheeky fucker in my life... he'll make weekends on the lash all the more fun!
Success at last... thank you *dodgy fishing site* :)
Slippery Little F**kers!!!
It feels like an eternity since I last blogged... Apologies... I think I needed a bit of a break from the laptop and I've had a few 'family' issues that made it essential to make a trip to the motherland.
I'm still fishing and it's all just getting dodgier by the day.
I've part-completed a few blogs so I'm a little out of sync now... I'll try my best to get you back up to speed (in order)...
As of two weeks ago I still had my date with 'Guns' planned and I was supposed to have had a date with a 25yr old Welshman living near *smalltown* but he blew me out at the last minute with some sorry arse excuse. I'm not too sure what's going on but the meeting thing is something that's definitely NOT on these guys agenda. Weird little buggers!
So my date with 'Guns' finally arrived... six weeks of texting and chatting... very excited that we're finally getting to meet... he even phoned me at midnight the night before to tell me how much he was looking forward to meeting me... we talked about what we'd do during the day etc... all good... so WTF went wrong? He didn't turn up... stood me right up and then ignored all calls and texts!
WHY? I'm puzzled... soooo bloody puzzled. Why would anyone put in 6 weeks worth of effort... texting... emailing... chatting... if you had absolutely no intention of ever meeting? If that's all you want to be doing then fuck off to the bloody chat rooms. What's the actual point? I'm on *dodgy fishing site* to meet guys... I don't want to be texting constantly... I've got twitter for that...!!!
So I've been chatting to a few more guys... I persevere... most of them I'm doing it out of politeness rather than fancy. I actually just can't be arsed this week, it's the same old crap in every message...
"Hi, I saw your profile & liked what you'd written. I think we've got loads in common & look forward to hearing from you"
Oh good grief... boring! Something original please lads, it can't be that bloody hard can it?
I've collected plenty of phone numbers... my diary has been booked up every day but they all get cold feet at the absolute last minute. I can't quite work it out... what's going wrong?
I've shown my text conversations to friends... they'll be honest... brutal if needs be... am I being mental...? Do my texts scream 'I'm a psycho...run the fuck away'...? Apparently not! They're full of the usual flirtatious banter... they get back from me what they put in... nothing at all out of the ordinary. So what really is their agenda? I'm stumped... I've had lengthy analytical conversations with my friends... even pulled Brown Bear in on it... in his day he was the biggest player of them all... an expert in the game... even he's flummoxed! Surely the idea is to have a bit of banter... swap numbers... flirt some more... meet... shag... then the ignore is instigated? That's how it worked the last time I was single... granted that was quite some time ago... I jumped from a three year engagement straight into a relationship with Z-List... I had only a month breather between the two... the last time I was fishing for real I was 22/23... times have clearly changed!!!
I'm just about ready to sack off the whole sorry experience... I'm pretty sure that what I've heard about *dodgy fishing site* being a complete shag fest only applies to the folk in Welsh Land and to be fair they're not a picky bunch as a rule... The Southern English are a weird frigid bunch... I'm fed up!
I'm still fishing and it's all just getting dodgier by the day.
I've part-completed a few blogs so I'm a little out of sync now... I'll try my best to get you back up to speed (in order)...
As of two weeks ago I still had my date with 'Guns' planned and I was supposed to have had a date with a 25yr old Welshman living near *smalltown* but he blew me out at the last minute with some sorry arse excuse. I'm not too sure what's going on but the meeting thing is something that's definitely NOT on these guys agenda. Weird little buggers!
So my date with 'Guns' finally arrived... six weeks of texting and chatting... very excited that we're finally getting to meet... he even phoned me at midnight the night before to tell me how much he was looking forward to meeting me... we talked about what we'd do during the day etc... all good... so WTF went wrong? He didn't turn up... stood me right up and then ignored all calls and texts!
WHY? I'm puzzled... soooo bloody puzzled. Why would anyone put in 6 weeks worth of effort... texting... emailing... chatting... if you had absolutely no intention of ever meeting? If that's all you want to be doing then fuck off to the bloody chat rooms. What's the actual point? I'm on *dodgy fishing site* to meet guys... I don't want to be texting constantly... I've got twitter for that...!!!
So I've been chatting to a few more guys... I persevere... most of them I'm doing it out of politeness rather than fancy. I actually just can't be arsed this week, it's the same old crap in every message...
"Hi, I saw your profile & liked what you'd written. I think we've got loads in common & look forward to hearing from you"
Oh good grief... boring! Something original please lads, it can't be that bloody hard can it?
I've collected plenty of phone numbers... my diary has been booked up every day but they all get cold feet at the absolute last minute. I can't quite work it out... what's going wrong?
I've shown my text conversations to friends... they'll be honest... brutal if needs be... am I being mental...? Do my texts scream 'I'm a psycho...run the fuck away'...? Apparently not! They're full of the usual flirtatious banter... they get back from me what they put in... nothing at all out of the ordinary. So what really is their agenda? I'm stumped... I've had lengthy analytical conversations with my friends... even pulled Brown Bear in on it... in his day he was the biggest player of them all... an expert in the game... even he's flummoxed! Surely the idea is to have a bit of banter... swap numbers... flirt some more... meet... shag... then the ignore is instigated? That's how it worked the last time I was single... granted that was quite some time ago... I jumped from a three year engagement straight into a relationship with Z-List... I had only a month breather between the two... the last time I was fishing for real I was 22/23... times have clearly changed!!!
I'm just about ready to sack off the whole sorry experience... I'm pretty sure that what I've heard about *dodgy fishing site* being a complete shag fest only applies to the folk in Welsh Land and to be fair they're not a picky bunch as a rule... The Southern English are a weird frigid bunch... I'm fed up!
Wednesday, 1 February 2012
Happy Anniversary...
It's February 1st 2012... 15 years ago to the day I lost my virginity! Today I am celebrating that because it is exactly half of my lifetime ago & I have been romping like a nympho and loving every randy second of it ever since!
I lost my cherry to the paper boy... my first love! There was a lot of alcohol involved that night & it was freezing cold outside... which is where we were... who said romance is dead?!?!
I remember a lot of fumbling... a whole world of pain... and thinking afterwards that sex might ever so slightly have been overrated!
Not to be put off... I put a plan in motion to try again... I took a day off school (without my folks knowing) and invited PB over to spend some time together.
I love it that he & I remain such good friends to this day because I had forgotten just how comedy gold the day turned out to be.
Last night we were reminiscing of our adventures & it appears his memory is far better than mine.
I remember the finer details... how he made me feel... the excitement of doing something so grown up and it all being so wonderful & all so very secret.
He remembers that he forgot the condoms & I sent him home to get them... and although we lived in the same village it was easily a 10-15minute walk to his from mine. He ran all the way home... too shattered to run back he grabbed his bike and cycled to mine but was then too tired for immediate action. Love him!
I remember having a brilliant time... It became quite addictive and we were at it every opportunity we got... a pair of oversexed randy teenagers!
My Mam was clearly suspicious of our shenanigans... overnight I had developed into a rampaging young woman as opposed to the shy & giggly teenager she had known... We had 'The Chat'... you know the one where she tries to convince you to stay away from boys and tells me sex isn't all it's cracked up to be... Hahaha yeah righto Mammy... WHATEVER!
All I remember thinking at that time was how rubbish my Dad must've been in the sack 'cos I was having a great time!
I'm sure he's not... but I don't really want to give it too much thought... thinking about my 'rents being lusty... urgh!
So let's raise a glass... let's make a toast... to losing your virginity... the most fun I've had in 15years x
I lost my cherry to the paper boy... my first love! There was a lot of alcohol involved that night & it was freezing cold outside... which is where we were... who said romance is dead?!?!
I remember a lot of fumbling... a whole world of pain... and thinking afterwards that sex might ever so slightly have been overrated!
Not to be put off... I put a plan in motion to try again... I took a day off school (without my folks knowing) and invited PB over to spend some time together.
I love it that he & I remain such good friends to this day because I had forgotten just how comedy gold the day turned out to be.
Last night we were reminiscing of our adventures & it appears his memory is far better than mine.
I remember the finer details... how he made me feel... the excitement of doing something so grown up and it all being so wonderful & all so very secret.
He remembers that he forgot the condoms & I sent him home to get them... and although we lived in the same village it was easily a 10-15minute walk to his from mine. He ran all the way home... too shattered to run back he grabbed his bike and cycled to mine but was then too tired for immediate action. Love him!
I remember having a brilliant time... It became quite addictive and we were at it every opportunity we got... a pair of oversexed randy teenagers!
My Mam was clearly suspicious of our shenanigans... overnight I had developed into a rampaging young woman as opposed to the shy & giggly teenager she had known... We had 'The Chat'... you know the one where she tries to convince you to stay away from boys and tells me sex isn't all it's cracked up to be... Hahaha yeah righto Mammy... WHATEVER!
All I remember thinking at that time was how rubbish my Dad must've been in the sack 'cos I was having a great time!
I'm sure he's not... but I don't really want to give it too much thought... thinking about my 'rents being lusty... urgh!
So let's raise a glass... let's make a toast... to losing your virginity... the most fun I've had in 15years x
Tuesday, 24 January 2012
Love at first sight...
I wrote this a while back but didn't have the courage to post it... it's sat in my blog list unpublished for months and months and every day I look at it wondering if today will be the day that I post it. Today is definitely the day...
Have you ever met a man and literally gone completely gaga for him the second you set sight on him? Love at first sight? Maybe.
There have only ever been three men in my entire life that have rendered me speechless.
The first... was a lad from my home town in South Wales... he was tall, strong and beautiful and I fancied him so much. I would just stutter and be a complete mess around him... I never spoke to him... never had the courage. I would literally throw myself to the floor behind the bar when he came into the pub where I worked and avoid any contact with him altogether, he was to be admired from afar. I could never face having my heart broken by a man clearly out of my league.
The second was Z-List... I really did fall in love with him the second our eyes met. It had been a very long & drunken day in Cardiff watching International Rugby but the atmosphere was brilliant and we were all having such an amazing day. I couldn't talk to him, I just stared and when I caught his eye I'd look away hurriedly and blush. Not my style... not my style at all!
My friends were baffled and after an hour or so they intervened Primary School style...
My friend fancies you... She does?... Yeah she does.... Doesn't she have a boyfriend?.... Nope, So you better get in there quick!
And that was it... pushed together in an awkward conversation we quickly hit it off and spent all evening chatting. He walked me back to the train station at the end of the night and the very next weekend he drove back down to Cardiff to take me on a date.
We were inseparable and totally head over heels for each other. Four months later I'd packed in my job, put my house up for sale and moved to Southern England to be with the man of my dreams.
Sadly... and we all know it didn't end well... a little over 4years later we called it a day and I moved to my lovely little cottage in the middle of arse raping nowhere to lick my wounds. I didn't think there would ever be anyone that made me feel the way Z-List did, at least not as quickly as it all happened.
Rambo... Obviously not his real name... was... still is... everything that I want in a man... he's strong... beautiful (in looks and personality)... witty... funny... kind... considerate... the list is endless... He was also my best friends brother... perfect!
You see... in my head... he was the perfect male version of BestieV and I adored her therefore I'd adore him too. Makes sense in my head anyway.
I've been friends with BestieV for about three years... we met through Z-List and her ex boyfriend and bonded over stories of our delinquent dogs and love of Gin. Our friendship went from strength to strength and I counted my blessings to have made such a wonderfully trustworthy, honest and drunken mess of a friend. Someone who really understood that Saturday nights are for getting plastered and mooning the taxi ques when you're just too drunk to order your cheese & chips.
I was finally fortunate enough to meet Rambo at BestieV's 30th Birthday party... I had cheekily been hinting that I was going to make a move on him... I'd seen plenty of Facebook pictures and knew that I fancied him so I was really looking forward to finally getting to see him in the flesh. He wasn't there when I got to the house, he'd popped out to get ice so my guard was down, all of a sudden this man-mountain walks through the door and my legs just went. I disappeared quick as a flash into the living room and was mumbling some incoherent nonsense to my other BestieJD about just how beautiful he was and OMIGOD OMIGOD OMIGOD he's sooo lovely... can't go in there!
All of a sudden I've gone from Sex Bomb to Exploded Bomb, the 15year old insecure me back again and I'm struggling to make any sense of what the hell is going on in my head.
It actually took intervention to get us together... BestieV and her Fiancee had to pull us together for an introduction and a handshake and after a very quickly consumed two pints of Cider I had the courage to start the flirt. It all worked perfectly and I was hooked. The next few days were filled with messages of loveliness and the prospect of having a wonderful few days together before he went back out to sea. I was so ahead of myself I didn't recognise this new me. I was planning every second of his time back in the UK between jobs and looking so very much to being the new girlfriend of the man of my dreams... Dreams I never knew I had!
At this point it's really important to point out to any of you that don't know me that I'm not the marrying kind. I've no desire ever to be someones wife... unlikely I ever will. This is why I've been engaged twice and both engagements haven't got as far as a celebration party. Commitment in the form of submission and a new name isn't my thing... I like my own space... and the older I get the more I crave my own space. Odd seeing as I gave up my singledom so quickly for Z-List and ironic that he's the only boyfriend I was desperate to marry yet never got as far as the others thought they could. This is why Rambo really knocked me for six... he was supposed to be a cheeky fling... nothing more... yet all of a sudden I was happier than I'd been in years and dreaming of being a wife and a mother. WTF? Only one guy has ever made me feel like that and I was still devastated that he wasn't in my life anymore. I knew I was being completely erratic, I knew nothing of Rambo really, I had merely created this perfect person in my head based on BestieV and their obvious similarities. What scared me most was that I could quite obviously put myself in that vulnerable situation yet again to be hurt by someone that doesn't reciprocate the feelings.
Our romance was short lived... turned out (yet again) that there was an ex-girlfriend back on the scene and she wanted her major share of Rambo... OF COURSE SHE DID... HE'S AMAZING!
....Oh and her... early twenties, blonde, petite, stunning... no contest!
So I'm back to dating... not looking for a relationship... just a bit of fun... because I'm safe that way... I won't fall in love again thus minimising the risk of getting hurt like I did with Z-List or Rambo... x
Have you ever met a man and literally gone completely gaga for him the second you set sight on him? Love at first sight? Maybe.
There have only ever been three men in my entire life that have rendered me speechless.
The first... was a lad from my home town in South Wales... he was tall, strong and beautiful and I fancied him so much. I would just stutter and be a complete mess around him... I never spoke to him... never had the courage. I would literally throw myself to the floor behind the bar when he came into the pub where I worked and avoid any contact with him altogether, he was to be admired from afar. I could never face having my heart broken by a man clearly out of my league.
The second was Z-List... I really did fall in love with him the second our eyes met. It had been a very long & drunken day in Cardiff watching International Rugby but the atmosphere was brilliant and we were all having such an amazing day. I couldn't talk to him, I just stared and when I caught his eye I'd look away hurriedly and blush. Not my style... not my style at all!
My friends were baffled and after an hour or so they intervened Primary School style...
My friend fancies you... She does?... Yeah she does.... Doesn't she have a boyfriend?.... Nope, So you better get in there quick!
And that was it... pushed together in an awkward conversation we quickly hit it off and spent all evening chatting. He walked me back to the train station at the end of the night and the very next weekend he drove back down to Cardiff to take me on a date.
We were inseparable and totally head over heels for each other. Four months later I'd packed in my job, put my house up for sale and moved to Southern England to be with the man of my dreams.
Sadly... and we all know it didn't end well... a little over 4years later we called it a day and I moved to my lovely little cottage in the middle of arse raping nowhere to lick my wounds. I didn't think there would ever be anyone that made me feel the way Z-List did, at least not as quickly as it all happened.
Rambo... Obviously not his real name... was... still is... everything that I want in a man... he's strong... beautiful (in looks and personality)... witty... funny... kind... considerate... the list is endless... He was also my best friends brother... perfect!
You see... in my head... he was the perfect male version of BestieV and I adored her therefore I'd adore him too. Makes sense in my head anyway.
I've been friends with BestieV for about three years... we met through Z-List and her ex boyfriend and bonded over stories of our delinquent dogs and love of Gin. Our friendship went from strength to strength and I counted my blessings to have made such a wonderfully trustworthy, honest and drunken mess of a friend. Someone who really understood that Saturday nights are for getting plastered and mooning the taxi ques when you're just too drunk to order your cheese & chips.
I was finally fortunate enough to meet Rambo at BestieV's 30th Birthday party... I had cheekily been hinting that I was going to make a move on him... I'd seen plenty of Facebook pictures and knew that I fancied him so I was really looking forward to finally getting to see him in the flesh. He wasn't there when I got to the house, he'd popped out to get ice so my guard was down, all of a sudden this man-mountain walks through the door and my legs just went. I disappeared quick as a flash into the living room and was mumbling some incoherent nonsense to my other BestieJD about just how beautiful he was and OMIGOD OMIGOD OMIGOD he's sooo lovely... can't go in there!
All of a sudden I've gone from Sex Bomb to Exploded Bomb, the 15year old insecure me back again and I'm struggling to make any sense of what the hell is going on in my head.
It actually took intervention to get us together... BestieV and her Fiancee had to pull us together for an introduction and a handshake and after a very quickly consumed two pints of Cider I had the courage to start the flirt. It all worked perfectly and I was hooked. The next few days were filled with messages of loveliness and the prospect of having a wonderful few days together before he went back out to sea. I was so ahead of myself I didn't recognise this new me. I was planning every second of his time back in the UK between jobs and looking so very much to being the new girlfriend of the man of my dreams... Dreams I never knew I had!
At this point it's really important to point out to any of you that don't know me that I'm not the marrying kind. I've no desire ever to be someones wife... unlikely I ever will. This is why I've been engaged twice and both engagements haven't got as far as a celebration party. Commitment in the form of submission and a new name isn't my thing... I like my own space... and the older I get the more I crave my own space. Odd seeing as I gave up my singledom so quickly for Z-List and ironic that he's the only boyfriend I was desperate to marry yet never got as far as the others thought they could. This is why Rambo really knocked me for six... he was supposed to be a cheeky fling... nothing more... yet all of a sudden I was happier than I'd been in years and dreaming of being a wife and a mother. WTF? Only one guy has ever made me feel like that and I was still devastated that he wasn't in my life anymore. I knew I was being completely erratic, I knew nothing of Rambo really, I had merely created this perfect person in my head based on BestieV and their obvious similarities. What scared me most was that I could quite obviously put myself in that vulnerable situation yet again to be hurt by someone that doesn't reciprocate the feelings.
Our romance was short lived... turned out (yet again) that there was an ex-girlfriend back on the scene and she wanted her major share of Rambo... OF COURSE SHE DID... HE'S AMAZING!
....Oh and her... early twenties, blonde, petite, stunning... no contest!
So I'm back to dating... not looking for a relationship... just a bit of fun... because I'm safe that way... I won't fall in love again thus minimising the risk of getting hurt like I did with Z-List or Rambo... x
Monday, 23 January 2012
Unleashing the mental...
Usually I can keep my 'mental' under wraps for at least a month or two, but apparently when it comes to 'TheFitBuilder' it all goes out the window... two weeks I lasted... two bloody weeks!
So this guy messaged me on *dodgy fishing site* a fortnight ago and we've been chatting ever since. We've been texting & chatting and were planning on meeting this weekend for our first date. I'm getting nervous and pretty flippin excited about meeting him but after today I doubt I'll get the chance.
Well done Missy... thumbs up!
So each morning just as my alarm is going off or I'm pulling up outside the gym, regular as clockwork I get my morning text from 'TheFitBuilder' wishing me a Good Morning. I'll send him a reply and then we'll text again around lunch time.
Today, I had a lie in... I didn't wake up until 9.30ish but he had text me first thing as usual and I text him back when I woke.
Later on, say about lunch time I dropped him a text saying the following:
"Right then... As we've now entered the week we're actually going to meet I'm starting to freak out a bit. I don't know anything about you or vice versa. Panic! It's all been a bit cheeky the whole time and a bit odd that I know what your knob looks like before I know what colour eyes you've got. Maybe we should be trying to find out a few things about one another. What ya think?"
By 7.30pm I'd still not heard from him and I'd started to get in a massive flap. To be fair, my iphone hasn't helped the situation today. I had to do a bloody reset on it and load everything back onto it from backup. My signal has been piss poor all day and whilst I've been staring at the screen waiting for a reply all I've seen is NO SERVICE raaaahhhhh!!!
Obviously none of the above is mental... a little weird I may have a photo of his willy but nothing mental. So where's the mental then Miss? Ah well here you go...
I was chatting to my good friend Brown Bear catching up on a couple of weeks worth of goings on and I told him all about TheFitBuilder, the text and the fact he'd not replied. Egged on by Bear I was encouraged to resend the message exactly as it was the first time and then send it again a third time immediately after the second. This obviously ensures that the message is received and... if he did get it the first time he'll then think that the phone has been a bit odd and sent the message lots of times thus releasing me off the hook for being a complete basket case.
I've not heard from him... I don't think I'll hear from him again... I think I've blown it... I'm clearly MENTAL!
Although this behaviour is commonly accepted by my friends... I need to understand and LEARN that it's not understood by strangers.
My friends love me... they've known about and experienced my mental on several occasions and sometimes I think its what they love about me most but apparently its not such an attractive quality in a girlfriend... WEIRD!
So... another potential bites the dust... do I dare log back on to *dodgy fishing site*? Eeesh... not sure I can face it.
I need a new plan!
So this guy messaged me on *dodgy fishing site* a fortnight ago and we've been chatting ever since. We've been texting & chatting and were planning on meeting this weekend for our first date. I'm getting nervous and pretty flippin excited about meeting him but after today I doubt I'll get the chance.
Well done Missy... thumbs up!
So each morning just as my alarm is going off or I'm pulling up outside the gym, regular as clockwork I get my morning text from 'TheFitBuilder' wishing me a Good Morning. I'll send him a reply and then we'll text again around lunch time.
Today, I had a lie in... I didn't wake up until 9.30ish but he had text me first thing as usual and I text him back when I woke.
Later on, say about lunch time I dropped him a text saying the following:
"Right then... As we've now entered the week we're actually going to meet I'm starting to freak out a bit. I don't know anything about you or vice versa. Panic! It's all been a bit cheeky the whole time and a bit odd that I know what your knob looks like before I know what colour eyes you've got. Maybe we should be trying to find out a few things about one another. What ya think?"
By 7.30pm I'd still not heard from him and I'd started to get in a massive flap. To be fair, my iphone hasn't helped the situation today. I had to do a bloody reset on it and load everything back onto it from backup. My signal has been piss poor all day and whilst I've been staring at the screen waiting for a reply all I've seen is NO SERVICE raaaahhhhh!!!
Obviously none of the above is mental... a little weird I may have a photo of his willy but nothing mental. So where's the mental then Miss? Ah well here you go...
I was chatting to my good friend Brown Bear catching up on a couple of weeks worth of goings on and I told him all about TheFitBuilder, the text and the fact he'd not replied. Egged on by Bear I was encouraged to resend the message exactly as it was the first time and then send it again a third time immediately after the second. This obviously ensures that the message is received and... if he did get it the first time he'll then think that the phone has been a bit odd and sent the message lots of times thus releasing me off the hook for being a complete basket case.
I've not heard from him... I don't think I'll hear from him again... I think I've blown it... I'm clearly MENTAL!
Although this behaviour is commonly accepted by my friends... I need to understand and LEARN that it's not understood by strangers.
My friends love me... they've known about and experienced my mental on several occasions and sometimes I think its what they love about me most but apparently its not such an attractive quality in a girlfriend... WEIRD!
So... another potential bites the dust... do I dare log back on to *dodgy fishing site*? Eeesh... not sure I can face it.
I need a new plan!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)