I'm an on/off blogger aren't I. Some days I feel I can write and ramble non-stop... other days I'm barely able to function in the real world let alone write anything of value.
You'll all know of the turmoil I've faced since my split with Z-List... I'm not even sure just how much I've revealed but the gist of it is that he did a bad thing, treated me quite appallingly and it broke my heart.
Fifteen months on and there's still not a day where I've not thought about him. It's not that I love him still... that went a long time ago... but the hurt remains just as raw and it still kills me even now.
There has been a 'Thing' looming and that was my test... how would I cope? Turns out quite well. I've had long enough to prepare myself for it and think out every scenario possible.
He is now a father... the woman that he wasn't having an affair with fell pregnant very quickly into their (official) relationship and now he's got a complete family. She came with two young children from a failed marriage and now they all live (I imagine) happily in their new home having finally moved out of mine.
I should be able to move on... but sadly I can't. I'm stuck in a limbo of distrust and sadness and I have absolutely no idea how to get out of it. The past year has been a bit of a blur... I've given up with my University course... something I worked so very hard for became even harder in reality... it was an incredibly emotional course and sadly I wasn't quite strong enough to deal with it... I'm also financially fucked... so it's back to work and on the payroll... get myself back to the career I thought I'd left behind. The money is good and it'll sustain me at least until I know where I'm going with my life.
I'm desperate to get myself back to being the true Missy... I'm not far off... I'm most definitely getting there... I just need a plan... I like a plan as much as I like a list... I've not made many lists this past year which is quite unlike me... but... I've started making them again and actually crossing things off... the 'TO DO' lists are getting done... I'm on my way back... Hurrah!
So here we go... I've got a couple of days off work... I'm working hard on finding a new job and the hunt is on for a new housemate... I'll be ok... just not today x
I've had a date that wasn't disastrous... I was pleasantly surprised by just how un-disastrous it was and look forward to seeing him again. He'll be a good influence on me I think and that can only be a good thing eh!
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